Choice or Destiny?
by Kate Granger-Potter
Summary: Can you really choose who you fall in love with? Ginny couldn't. Femmeslash, rated R mostly for caution but some language and scenes of a sexual nature in later chapters. Chapter 6 finally up. Please R&R!
1. Choice or Destiny?

Disclaimer - I wish I had Jo's talent but alas, I don't and even worse, I have nothing to do with anything HP related other than a deep deep love of the books

This is a slash fic, which for those of you that don't know means girl on girl action, if you don't like that stuff, turn away now and take a good long look in the mirror, if that's cool with you, Game on! Enjoy!

Oh and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review if you had any reaction to this story at all, good or bad, it's the only way my writing will improve! If you review you will fill my heart with warm and fuzzy joy!

Choice or Destiny?

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?... Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love, the clarity of hatred………it hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we could know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank... without passion, we'd be truly dead." – Angel, Passion (Courtesy of Joss Whedon's Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

……………………………………….

Why do things have to get so messed up? What's wrong with me? Harry's nice! I like him, we get on, but I just can't shake her out of my head. See the thing is, I'm fairly sure I'm gay, but I'm not certain you know? I should probably explain how this all started ……

It was my first year when I first met Hermione. I always thought she was beautiful but i was focusing on Harry at the time. It wasn't until the summer holidays between my fourth and fifth year at Hogwarts that I really started to fall completely in love with her.

We spent the summer together at Grimauld place with Harry and we just talked every night. She didn't even seem phased when I told her I thought I was gay! She was just really fantastic about it and we talked even more. She even told me she's thought about being with women too. She confessed to me that she'd never kissed a guy, and for a day or two we planned to be each other's first proper kiss till she backed out.

She did meet and kiss that arsehole Cormac McLaggen of course but I never forgot it should've been me. She was encouraging me to explore myself and my sexuality more, but the more we talked and the more she made me think about what I wanted in life the more I realised it was her I wanted. She figured it out of course but she was still ok with it. Of course she made it clear she was straight and so not interested but still I couldn't help but love her.

We went back to school and I really really missed talking to her every night, but she still made time for me, even while she was freaking out about exams and stuff. I'd come to her head girls room and we'd catch up on which celebrity's I thought were gorgeous on that day and who I had my eye on at school. We cried, we laughed, made crude sex jokes about turkey basters and strap on cocks but I was never as focussed on the sex side of stuff. All I wanted was to wake up next to someone in the morning and listen to them breathing, to kiss when they, or I, felt bad and to spend time with, watching dodgy old movies and talking about life.

Maybe it's cos I'm the youngest and only girl out of seven children but I'd always had confidence issues. See, I was always the good one. I tired to get good grades but even if I did I always felt a little ignored, that nobody cared or understood a thing about me except Ron. Ron and I are really close but I can't even tell him any of this out of fear it'll leak back to our parents. And even though Hermione kept assuring me I was beautiful and normal I never felt it.

Was it just cos I didn't think guys would ever notice me that I turned to women? Was it just because I don't see myself as a particularly sexual being that that side of relationships is less important to me? Then of course there's the family side to worry about, I know my dad's a bit of a homophobe and mum's so set in her 1950s housewife role that she'd never understand either.

Am I trying to be straight to please them or because I am straight. I dated Dean and Harry both for a while but things didn't work out. As much as I really cared for Harry and as much as he wanted it, and as much as I wanted to get the virginity issue over and done with I couldn't bring myself to go all the way with him. We were lying there together one night, kissing and cuddling after a few sneaky drinks and things did start to get a little heavy.

I liked Harry, he was a kind, sensitive respectful man who would never do anything to hurt me, but as I lay there, his fingers working away inside me, my hand moving up and down over his rock hard cock I felt nothing. Not particularly turned on, happy for him to keep going but equally as happy if he'd stop. I was just numb inside. I can only speculate but things may have gone further if Ron hadn't knocked on the door, needing to drag him away on some urgent business but I was still indifferent.

What kind of freak am I! Maybe I should have asked him to stay, slept with him. Maybe then I'd know for sure, but I'm still holding out for Hermione. We still talk, and although it's been a while since we've been together properly I still think of her and wait for the day something'll click in her head and she'll want me. She went to uni of course, and she even told me she'd kissed another woman. This of course hit me like a cannon ball to the gut but I tried to act like I didn't mind.

Then there were the endless conversations about Krum. How sweet and sensitive and smart and funny and sexy he was, when I could plainly see he was messing her around. We'd talk for hours about him, or rather she'd talk and I'd listen, about why he didn't want her, why they were so perfect for each other and how many breaths he took between sips of coke and I pleaded with her to forget about him, begging her without words to be with me but to no avail.

One night after another eternity of her talking and crying about Krum, we went our separate ways and as soon as I got back to my dorm I started to cry! I never cry! I just thought of all the pain this useless male was causing the woman I loved and I began to sob. After I calmed down a little I took out a quill and a new bit of parchment and started to write down everything I was feeling at that moment. I folded it and hid it away secretly.

It's been nearly a year and I haven't opened it again till tonight. I didn't remember exactly what was in it, but I wasn't shocked by the emotion of the letter because although time has passed and my heart has healed a little I still love her.

Never in my wildest dreams would I expect her to love me back. It's been so long. Am I still properly, completely, madly passionately in love with her? She's coming to see me for coffee tomorrow; I guess we'll see.


	2. An admission too late

Sorry, still not JKR but this is still femmeslash, so if you don't like, don't read.

Big huge thank-yous to everyone that reviewed! Again, if you have any reaction to, thoughts or comments on this story/chapter please feel free to let me know! all comments except flames welcome!

It's late so please forgive the crappy-ness of this chapter, I just needed to write.

Chapter two – An admission too late

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"There are moments in your life that make you, that set the course of who you're gonna be. Sometimes they're little, subtle moments. Sometimes... they're not. Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Nah. The big moments are gonna come, you can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are." - Whistler - Becoming Part 1 (Courtesy of Joss Whedon's Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

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My god I was so nervous walking up to the coffee shop in Diagon Ally, 10 minutes early of course, you NEVER keep Hermione waiting! She was actually already there, but something wasn't right……………she had her cappuccino and her paper, but she looked…..forlorn.. She was wearing a blue hoodie, no make up, hair scrunched back in a ponytail, more beautiful than ever in my eyes but sad. Oh god, what was she going to tell me? Had her boyfriend broken up with her? Was she sick? Had something happened to her parents? All this was spinning in my head as I walked in and hugged her with a smile. She hugged me so tight, it felt wonderful, I know she missed me. Tears were welling in her eyes.

"Hi babe", I said as casually as I could

"Hi", she just said back with a teary smile

After that we just stood there for a good 30 seconds, just looking at each other, basking in the other's presence till we took our seats. God it was so good to see her. I was right, I still love her, _everything_ was rushing back to me. God I want her to hug me like that again!

"Refill?" I asked

"No ta, I've only been here a minute or two. It's really good to see you Ginny, I've missed you so much"

Wow! Maybe I was having the impact I wanted!

"Oh I've missed you too Hermione" I said as I pulled my chair closer to her and gave her another hug. What happened next was totally unexpected, as we stopped hugging she grabbed hold of my hand and gave it a little squeeze and didn't let it go for the rest of the conversation! She was welling up again now

"Aww are you ok?"

She was full on crying now, and not tears of joy at seeing an old friend again. I was panicked

"Hermione what's wrong?"

"My dad passed away last Thursday"

My heart bled for this woman.

"Oh god sweetie I'm so sorry, how'd it happen?" I offered her a tissue

"He had cancer; it had been on the cards for a while. I think he was ……prepared for it you know" she said while wiping her face. Oh 'Mione, why didn't you tell me before…….

"Is there anything I can do, anything you need", she grabbed my hand a little tighter

"No, thank you, I just needed to talk to someone, I needed to tell you. I'm sorry I couldn't call you with better news"

"It's fine, really, it's just I'm always here, you know that"

"I know, that's why I called you. I knew you'd be there for me. I have a favour to ask you actually"

"Anything"

"Will you come to the funeral with me?"

"Of course I will"

"Thank you Ginny"

I felt so bad for her. This angel, this absolute vision in front of me was in pain and I couldn't stand it.

The rest of the conversation was odd, not uncomfortable or uneasy, just full of sorrow, even if we were cracking bad jokes. We sat there for hours and must have had about three cups of coffee each before we figured we should go somewhere else, so we flewed back to my little flat on the east side of London.

Now I know what you're thinking, a vulnerable Hermione, a whole day spent together catching up and reminiscing, maybe some wine, dimmed lights……her staying the night………and yes while there was all that, I wasn't going to take advantage. Believe me I wanted too. My whole being was screaming _JUST KISS HER_ but I couldn't, not like that. This is the woman I love remember, so I just held her, even when she came in my room saying she couldn't sleep and curled up next to me in my double bed, all I did was hold her as she fell asleep.

The next morning wasn't bizarre either; it felt so right to me to wake up next to her, watch her sleep for a while before I put on some coffee. We spent much of that day talking too, she had so much she needed to get off her chest and I was only too happy to lend a sympathetic ear. In that day I felt we were closer than we had ever been before, and then she said it………….

"Ginny can I tell you something?" The way she said it was odd. We'd been talking completely openly and frankly for over twenty-four hours now, why would she feel she had to hold something back!

"Sure, what's on your mind"

"stuff about us"

Us? She said US! Whoa what's going on here! Ok, breathe Ginny, just breathe, she doesn't mean anything by it, she's straight.

"Yeah of course, what do you want to tell me"

"Well actually it's more of a question, when you, you know, liked me at school…"

O.M.G!

"….i guess I just wanted to know how you really felt. I mean we've been sat here for hours and waxed lyrical over everything under sun except that. I mean you were always so guarded at school"

I was so mixed up by this. Why is she asking this now? What difference could it make how I felt about her four years ago! And guarded? Of course I was you idiot! I couldn't risk a single word of it getting back to the parents! Here we go, time to revive that ol' stock best friend response, which I'm so practised at I know it back and forth, sideways and in Russian.

"I dunno Hermione, that was a long time ago now, I think it was just a stupid crush"

"Stupid?"

"Well yeah, cos you're straight, what's the point in having a crush on someone you could never actually be with."

"You could've been with me"

I swear to God my heart stopped in that minute! Here was Hermione Granger, quite possibly the love of my young life, sitting on my couch in her baggy pjs, drinking my coffee saying that I once had a shot with her. Despite all her tears over the last day and a half it was now me that was welling up with emotion. How the hell did I miss that when I was staring at and obsessing over her for years!

No, this is just more of her shit at my expense. She just likes having me around cos I'm her lapdog. She says jump and I automatically start leaping like a mad woman. All she ever liked was the idea of me, that if she ever fancied a bit of lesbian sex she could call me. Is that what this is? My mind was going a million miles a minute trying to process all this new information, my face was getting hot and I was starting to feel dizzy to. I had to snap myself out of it before she noticed. My next response was typically stupid, what else could I say?

"Could've? What do you mean by that?"

"I dunno, it was silly, forget I ever said anything"

she tried to fob it off with one of THOSE smiles of hers as she put her mug down on the coffee table. I had no response to that. Things were going round in my head so fast I couldn't really think of anything, all I could feel was my heartbeat like a jackhammer in my chest.

"Hermione, do you like me?"

"Of course I like you" she said with a perplexed look on her face

"No I mean do you _like_ me" I said, this seemed to make something click or a bell to ring in her head.

"I think I did. Looking back on it now, and seeing you again, how much you've changed, how much more confident you are in yourself. It's just brought some old stuff up I guess. God I don't even know why I'm saying this" she stopped and just started to nervously touch her head a lot, smiling awkward smiles. I couldn't deal with this, not now. I need air. She must've seen all the things going on in my head on my face. I was starting to feel sick.

"Gin are you ok?"

Of all the stupid things to say right now…am I ok? AM I OK! God she can be such a fuck-wit sometimes!

"Yeah, I just need some air, and I gotta be at work at 6…."

Total bollocks of course, I just needed to think on my own. And possibly cry a bit too.

"and I'm sure your mum needs you for, you know stuff. I mean I'll stay if you need me………"

She must have got the message cos she just got up, smiled and hugged me then went to the bedroom to change. I made a bee-line for the balcony and threw the windows open and leaned over the edge, trying to breathe and stop the onset of tears. I couldn't let her think she hurt me this soon after losing her dad. When I'd been standing there for ten minutes I figured something was up, why hadn't she come out to say bye? I walked over to my room and knocked on the door

"Hermione?"

No reply

"Hermione are you in there?"

Again there was no answer so I gently opened the door and stepped inside. She wasn't there. There was a fresh mark at the fireplace, she'd flewed out. Without even saying goodbye.

There was however a note on the bed……….

He he! i really didn't think i'd leave this on a cliffhanger as well but i thnk it works - chapter three soon i'm sure


	3. The letter, a choice to change

Only the plot is mine, no profit etc etc etc.

Sora is 1337, thank you so much for your kind words! I'm really glad you're enjoying this! And Dawson's creek! It is a little! Me and my Hermione would always joke that that was us!

And to SheIsMySin, and everyone else, thank you for you're kind words. Here is the promised chapter 3!

It's a little angsty, death/suicide in this chapter is only symbolic, a metaphor for rebirth, I would never ever glorify it.

Please R&R, all comments bar flames are greatly appreciated!

Still femmeslash, K G-P xxx

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Every night in my dreams  
I see you. I feel you.  
That is how I know you go on.

Far across the distance  
And spaces between us  
You have come to show you go on.

Near, far, wherever you are  
I believe that the heart does go on  
Once more you open the door  
And you're here in my heart  
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time  
And last for a lifetime  
And never go till we're one

Love was when I loved you  
One true time I hold to  
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are  
I believe that the heart does go on  
Once more you open the door  
And you're here in my heart  
And my heart will go on and on

There is some love that will not  
go away

You're here, there's nothing I fear,  
And I know that my heart will go on  
We'll stay forever this way  
You are safe in my heart  
And my heart will go on and on

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_My Ginny_

_I'm so sorry to have said that to you and run out like a coward. I was petrified but I had to tell you and I feel now that I owe you an explanation. It's been on my mind since my dad died, what my life would be like if had kissed you when we planned it, if I'd given 'us' a chance when you said all those wonderful things about me. Now, yes it was on my mind but I don't want you to get the impression that I've fallen for you now, as much as I'd like too, I'm just trying to admit how I felt. Kissing McLaggen was awful, and truth be told there were times when I wished it had been you. What I'm going to say next will hurt you and I'm so so sorry Ginny, but I slept with Harry. _

_Please don't hate me, you're my best friend and I love you. I really hope this doesn't affect our friendship too much, but I'll understand if you don't want to see me for a while. I only told you because I felt it was time for both of us to move on._

_Always, _

_Hermione xxx_

Oh God. I need to sit down. No I don't, I need a drink. FUCK! How could she do that to me. She, she , she …………slept with……..no, she……………….had sex. She had sex with Harry. Oh my god. Why did she tell me now! And 'time for both of us to move on'! If you wanted me to move on maybe you shouldn't be telling me you liked me you stupid BITCH!

What the hell am I gonna do now. I have to see her again. I need to know more. Was he good? Do you love him? How many times? When? Where? Did you think of me at all? Are you dating? Were you safe? Well actually I know the answer to that one, you're still Hermione after all right? Do I even still know you……………..

I can't remember much after that except climbing on to my bed, curling up into a ball and crying myself to sleep, clutching the letter scrunched up between my hands. Sleep didn't help me get over it at all and I woke up at 4 am, walking round like a zombie till I had to get ready to go to that shit-hole café I call work.

She's not innocent anymore. She can't share that sacred experience with me, that was Harry's forever and I hated him for it. She was a goddess and he put his filthy, unworthy hands all over her. He, he……..he, god I can't even say it.

Am I being stupid? Selfish even to think that she'd loose her virginity to me? I always figured I'd go first, that me still being a virgin wasn't a big deal 'cos at least Hermione was as well. I feel lonelier than ever because she got to be that close to someone, that she was able to let someone in like that and I can't.

Did he hold her after? Whisper sweet nothings in her ear like I would've done? Did he show her with every kiss, every stroke how much he cared like I would've done. Had he wanted her for as long as I had.

Hold on, do I still have it?

I ran over to my closet and pulled out a shoebox and then over to my bookcase where I grabbed a report I'd done for my NEWTS, a report on Time-turners. In the shoebox was a small golden egg timer-like necklace. It's never been used to go that far back before though………

It's worth giving it a chance right? I was so awkward back then, so focused on the fact she'd never like me that I never actually asked her out, never tried my luck, from what she's saying maybe that's all I needed to do. Maybe I had to _prove_ that I really did love her by fighting for her.

There's a price of course, if I go back and change my own timeline, I'll have to die. Well, this me at least. As soon as I tell the 16 year old me to try and win Hermione her path will change and she wont be me. I'll have to use a glamour to conceal who I am, maybe not even meet……...myself……face to face, I could just leave her a note like Hermione left me.

Am I willing to give up what I have now? What I've had since I was sixteen to be with her? I think I am. If it works I'll just fade away, and I won't really be dying, I'll just be giving myself a second chance. A chance to be happy. A chance to do something other than sit alone writing stories while all my 'friends' are going to parties, falling in love, making connections.

I've only existed till now. The only time I felt alive was when I was with her, doing this is my chance to change all that.

Love's a funny thing! Being with her was like I knew what people were singing about in all those love songs, like part of me was missing when we were apart. I can't hide the fact I'm a depressive, but she made me strong, got me through my day, being with her, even for a short while would change my life for the better. I could come out to the people I love and not be afraid of the fallout, I would figure out the relationship stuff, really and truly finally grow up, find out who I am. I could save Dumbledore! I could tell Harry where the horcruxes are before all those innocent people have to die! This is perfect beyond imagination!

I'll do it. 85 turns should take me back to when I was 16. It'll destroy one of only 7 time turners left, which is why people don't do this more, but it'll be worth it. I need to write the note now, cover everything before I go back.

The note is ready, I've performed the glamour to make myself look like a young Audrey Hepburn and I'm standing in front of the fire.

I'm coming love, you never have to be unhappy again……..


	4. Second chance begins now

Still not JKR, still femmeslash.

Here's where it starts to go AU a bit. This story is my way of figuring out what I want/wanted so I am forever grateful to all reviewers.

Previous chapters were what actually happened to me, the following are what I should've done or want to do.

Thanks for reading, please R&R,

All my love, Kate G-P xxx

I hate the ebb and flow

The peak and trough

The ups and down

I've journeyed wide

Realised my dream

But what comes next

When nothing can prepare you for life

You rise and fall

Have highs and lows

But why?

Don't I deserve to be happy?

I hate change

But life wouldn't be worth living without it

Yes I've journeyed far

Seen a million things

There's just one that eludes me

And I can't do it on my own

My fear consumes me

and I don't know why

I'm screamed at to grow up

Am I ready?

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** thud **

Oww! Falling onto a stone floor from 10 feet up, not a good idea!

After my head stopped spinning and those weird cartoon bells, birds and stars went away I figured I was in the great hall. But when? I hope I haven't gone too far back…

19th August 2004…….not bad! Ok…….I'm at Grimauld Place now…..with her! This is great! I'll apparate.

With a pop I was there. The same walls, the same time and the same place I first realised my love for Hermione. Fighting back nerves I crept to the library and slipped the note between the pages of my favourite book , little women, where I knew I'd find It later……..hold on………..i feel weird…………………

Aug 20th 2004

Whoa! What the hell is this………….

_Ginny_

_This is the most odd letter I've ever written so I'm just going to say it. Fight for Hermione. I know you're scared and you probably should be just go for it. Kiss her! don't let her back out. She's just as scared and worried about everything as you are. Don't hold back. Tell her everything. I can't tell you too much but you'll ALWAYS regret it if you don't. She likes you. She's confused about how much but if you show her how happy you can make her she'll come around. WATCH OUT FOR SNAPE THIS YEAR!! Do not trust him, not even because Dumbledore does OR because he's in the Order. He's still a death-eater at his core and will betray everyone._

_You don't know what they are yet but the missing Horcrux is Riddle's grave. Slytherin's Locket is being protected by Snape. The Malfoy's have Hufflepuff's Cup in their safe at Gringotts. Bill will be able to get this for you. He'll just take some persuading. Dumbledore knows where the others are._

_I hope life will be kinder to you than it was to me._

_GW_

Hermione what?! How does this GW know about any of that?

This is just ridiculous, Hermione would never……..

Fight for her? I don't know how.

She's gonna be here any minute. And she says she wants to kiss me. Just for practise apparently. Maybe there is something there. I can't be that bad to look at can I?

I have this really weird feeling like something huge is about to happen.

--

there she is, more beautiful than ever, the summer's been good to her

"hi" is all I can muster in her presence

"hi! Look, uh, Ginny, about that whole 'kiss' thing, I'm not really sur…."

I did it! I did it!

She pulled apart from me, shock on her face then grabbed me and kissed me back!

Wow, I've never felt anything so soft, so wonderful, so sexy before!

I love her. Really love her. Not a crush, not a whim, not a 'she's quite fit', I love her and this is going to be the start of something wonderful…until everyone finds out.


	5. PS I love you

Still not mine, I'm just playing in Jo's world for a while.

Hey guys, sorry I didn't update sooner, my writing has had to take a back seat to schoolwork for a while, but I'm back now so, here's a slightly longer chapter! I hope you enjoy!

Oh, and to all my reviewers, thank you so much! I really love reading all your comments!

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"Love isn't brains, children, it's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it" Spike, BTVS Lover's Walk, owned etc by Joss Whedon

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"Whoa" said Hermione

"Yeah" – most lame response ever I know, but hey what else was I supposed to say!

"That was"

"Yeah" – Ok, Gin, say something else! Anything else

"let's go upstairs okay?"

Upstairs????!!!!!! That's promising!

"Sure" – stop smiling like a maniac! Stop smiling like a maniac!

She obviously got what I was thinking cos she gave me this look that just said 'yeah right' and walked out. I followed her up the stairs, very much enjoying the view of her fabulous arse, and into our room. Wow, it never sounded like that before, OUR room. Am i getting ahead of myself here? I mean it was just a kiss right? Oh no, she's not bringing me up here to 'let me down easy' is she. So many questions!

We sat cross-legged together on the bed.

"Ginny? You okay?" – okay I've been thinking to long

"Yeah I'm fine, you okay?"

"I think so. That was weird"

"Weird?" - here we go, time for the "Ginny it was nice but…….." speech

"Good weird. In all honesty I'm glad you did that"

"Really?"

"Yeah, truth be told I was gonna try and get out of it"

"Why? It's only me!"

"That's why I was so nervous. If I'd kissed some random at school or something it wouldn't have mattered if I was bad or not."

"You were perfect"- trust me folks, she really was

The smile she gave me after that was truly the most beautiful thing I have seen in my young life. She was so happy, and I was the cause of that.

And then she kissed me again. SHE kissed ME! Because she wanted to. She wants me. This is the single greatest moment of my life.

"Aww Ginny! Don't cry!"

shit!

"I'm not!" I'm such a bad liar

"Yes you are! Oh my god!"

"I'm sorry! I'm just really happy"

"Wanna hear a secret?"

"Yeah!"

"Me too"

She always makes me laugh

"So what does this mean for us" I asked, a million butterflies in my stomach

"Us?"

"well yeah, do you wanna start dating? Keep hanging out and see how things go? Forget it completely?" – I was so hoping it wouldn't be the last one

She didn't say anything. She looked like she was thinking.

"Let's just see how things go for now okay. And don't tell anyone okay"

"Uh"

"Please Ginny. People already have enough excuses to avoid me like the plague and I need to figure out what this means for me. My head is just completely spun around right now."

"You're right, we should just see how things go between us. I won't tell anyone, I promise. I know exactly how that feels. Believe me"

"Thanks Ginny"

She leaned in and gave me another kiss then left. It felt as good as the first. I could seriously get used to it. I hope she can too. I feel sorry for her going through this now, but at least I can help her. Maybe being with someone will help her figure it out one way or another. The only thing I know is that this summer is going to be fantastic.

9/1/06

So my sixth year has started. Hermione and I are officially dating! We still haven't told anyone and I was freaked for quite a while, things still hadn't 'clicked' in my head as to whether or not I was completely gay, I mean, things are great but we haven't, uh, you know, yet. We've done, stuff but she's not ready yet. Which is fine, I mean I wasn't going to pressure her or anything, as much as I wanted to, it had to be on her terms.

I have the room of requirement ready whenever she is. It looks really good actually, covered with candles, all decorated in a beautiful deep red and the most comfortable bed I've ever known. It has a kind of aura to it as well that I can't describe, a smell, not quite fresh flowers, not quite the smell of a bathroom after a using gorgeous smelling bubble bath, just warm and inviting and intoxicating. And that was without her! Damn if I ever even get to stand in this room with her I think I'll explode! But one step at a time right. I think it's time to tell people, I'm going to ask her after transfiguration class.

I ran into her, literally, as she came out of Arithmancy.

"Hi" I blurted out, remembering not to kiss her, even though I wanted to. Badly.

"Hi" she said back with a smile and pushing her hair behind her ear, she looks so cute when she's flustered!

"I wanted to ask you about something"

"Okay"

"Let's go for a walk" I said as casually as I could

"Okay, we'll go round the black lake"

"Great, I'll meet you in 20 minutes outside the great hall"

"Great, see you then"

As I changed to go to meet her a hundred different things were rushing through my head. How should I say it? How will she react, I haven't brought it up before because I assumed she was uncomfortable with the idea after what she said the first day we kissed. It is a huge, scary, life changing step, but I love her so much I don't want to have to hide. I want to scream how much I love her from the highest tower in Hogwarts, and say tell her everyday that I care no matter who's listening in. If she's not ready that's fine but I should at least ask her,

We met and we walked in silence for a while. I was trying to find the confidence to ask her. We got to the little cove under the willow tree as the sun set. It was a gorgeous night. I stopped walking and started talking.

"Um, so Hermione, I wanted to ask you something"

"Ah, okay."

"Well we've been doing ………..this, for a while now, and I wanted to ask you something"

"You want to know when I'll sleep with you?"

"Oh no!, that ball is completely no your court, you know I'd never push you into that ,I just wanted to ask how you'd feel about maybe telling a few people"

"You haven't told anyone have you?!"

The way she said this told me her answer would most likely be a resounding no.

"No, of course not, that's why I'm asking you now. It's just, I really feel that this could be something amazing, and if we are to be together than it would be so much easier if people knew. But I'm happy to keep doing whatever it is we're doing if that's what you want"

She didn't say anything for a moment or two after that. I think she thinks this is a test. Maybe it is. I'm just so tired of the sneaking around, of the stolen kisses that make us feel that what we're doing is wrong when it's not.

"Ok"

Wow

"Excuse me, did you just 'Okay' my idea of telling people we're going out?!"

"Oh dear lord I think I did!"

I love this woman so much.

"So we'll do it. We'll tell people?"

"Shut up and kiss me before I change my mind!"

I happily obliged.

"Wow, I, just can't believe this is happening. How do you want to tell them. Should we just pull Harry and Ron aside later, or should we wait till Christmas when we can tell everyone together?" I need to shut up and let her talk now.

"yeah, uh, let's tell Harry and Ron tomorrow at breakfast. We'll do the 'official coming out' thing for our families at Christmas. Till then it'll be on a need to know basis. That sound good"

"Sounds amazing" I said. Hesitatingly I added "We should head back now, dinner's probably being served right about now"

I was starved, we must've walked 2 or 3 miles around the lake.

"Ginny, there's actually something I wanted to say to you, while we're alone"

"Yeah"

"Yeah. Okay, here goes. I love you"

"You?"

"I love you. Completely. And I realised it just now, when you said all those wonderful things. So what if a few people have a problem with it. The point is that this _is_ amazing, and you make me incredibly happy"

"I love you too 'Mione"

My heart and head felt so light I thought I might pass out there and then, until she kissed me and took my hand in hers and walked me back to the castle.


	6. Revelation

Hey guys, so sorry about how long it's taken me to update but I got a really bad case of writers block with this. Anyway I have new ideas and so updates should come pretty quickly! Enjoy!

Do I really have to say it again? No profit, Not Jo Rowling end of.

" 'There's' only one thing I've ever been sure of. You. Look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I tell you that I love you, it's not because I want you, or 'cause I can't have you, it has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try... I've seen your strength, and your kindness, I've seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman. You're the one"

Quote taken from Buffy the Vampire Slayer 'Touched' Courtesy of Joss Whedon

We walked hand in hand into the great hall just as the elves were coming in to clean up. Harry and Ron had been waiting for us and as soon as they saw us their expressions of concern turned to relief then confusion. Ron pointed at us and asked

"Why are you two holding hands and giggling like school girls?"

"We are school girls!" was Hermione's typically witty response. Ron turned three shades of red and continued.

"You know what I mean. What are you so happy about?"

I took a nervous breath in and looked to Hermione for permission to tell them. She nodded her approval.

"Well, Hermione and I need to tell you both something really important. How do I say this….Uh, well, we're actually, sort of, well, dating."

The entire great hall went silent and a dozen of the faces nearest to us turned and looked straight at us with dropped jaws. Hermione and I looked at each other nervously.

"So much for a need to know basis huh." I said

"You're gay?" asked Harry

"Yes" Hermione replied, almost staring him down. Giving a look that said 'I will fight you and win if I have to', and Harry laughed!

"Well it's about time you two figured it out! The moon eyes you two have been making at each other for weeks were starting to drive me crazy!"

"So you're ok with this?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be happy that two of my best friends are dating?"

I always knew Harry was a great guy. And that's lucky too because I know that several people in a certain house decorated in green and silver will have some things to say, but wouldn't dare go up against Harry. Ron however was just sitting there, staring at his plate. Hermione looked at him and then, weirdly, seemed to echo his actions.

"Ron?" I asked tentatively, "Ron? Are you okay with this?"

He continued staring at his plate then looked up ad met Hermione's eyes. He seemed so sad. Almost like he wanted to cry……..and so did she. Wow. I never knew……………It's so obvious now. Ron and Hermione. The Lieutenants to Harry's General. Was she giving up a chance with him, a chance she quite probably wanted since her first year, to be with me? People talk about the sacrifices we make for the sake of the one we love, but I didn't think it'd have to be this. I don't want her to have to give anything up for me.

After what felt like an era in purgatory for me, Ron's expression softened and he managed a weak and resigned smile. "Congratulations. I hope you two will be very happy together. Excuse me" And with that he got up and left the great hall.

"He'll be alright, I'll go talk to him." Said Harry as he ran out behind him. I had to say something, he's my stupid older brother and I love him.

"Harry! Tell him I love him will you?"

"'Course"

And with that I let out a deep breath I didn't know I'd been holding in. In many ways I'd been holding it in all my life. I was out. Free. Confident, and I had the sweetest most brilliant and most beautiful woman in all of Hogwarts to call my girlfriend.

You know, it's a funny thing growing up. You spend so long freaking out about it that sometimes you forget to do it! A great relief comes with acceptance.

With a jubilant smile on my face I looked to my girl. She seemed to have the same look of freedom that I did and I took hold of her hand.

"So Granger and Weasel-by Junior are rug munchers"

MALFOY! That bastard son of a bitch. HOW DARE HE! Before I really knew what I was doing I had a wand to his throat. For once he didn't back off or start whimpering like he usually would.

" Ha ha! Defending your lover's honour are we?"

"How dare you even speak about her. Or honour. What would a Malfoy know about that? You have never felt anything real or good in your entire life. You made a choice a long time ago that you would never be anything other than a worthless little lackey of a psychopath. I pity you, and after we finally kill Voldemort," A gasp erupted from the great hall, "I'll be coming for You"

He wasn't looking quite so smug now; I saw the flicker of fear in his eyes. I'd made my point perfectly clear.

"Well at least I didn't choose to become a filthy, unnatural homosexual. This isn't the end of this" With that he walked out. Thank god Hermione grabbed my arms because right then I could have seriously hurt him.

He did choose to become a death-eater. I no more chose to be gay than he chose to be straight or have that ridiculous platinum hair of his.

This was my destiny. Hermione is my destiny.

Now I'm not entirely naïve, I know we may not work out, but finally I feel like me. No secrets, no shame, no hiding.

"Ginny" Hermione's voice brought me out of my rage, "We should go. People are starting to stare" She took hold of my arm and led me from the hall and too the common room.

Choice? I hate how narrow-minded people can be. Does he honestly think I would risk upsetting or, god forbid, loosing my family and friends or getting grief from ignorant people like him if I had a choice? No! all I did was fall in love.

When we'd finally settled by the fire I turned to Hermione and asked, "Is this how it's going to be now? Us defending ourselves to every Tom Dick and Harry we meet?"

"Ginny, we'll be okay. Of course some people wont understand, but our friends and our family do. So forget the ignorant ones okay."

"Okay."

"Right. Good. Uh, d'you want me to help you with that essay or would you rather just go to bed?"

"Well that would depend. If I go to bed will I have some company?"

That was a bold bold move, lets see if she takes the bait.

She gave me a shy but sexy smile, took my hand and led me to her room. Now, having the Head Girl as your girlfriend has many perks, her own private room with living area and en-suite being one of them. It was a nice room. She had a couple of posters on the wall and what seemed like a library of her very own beside her desk. Still only a single bed, but come on, how much space do we really need anyway?! Apparently I couldn't take my eyes off the bed because Hermione had to wave her hand in front of my face to get my attention.

" I brought you down here so I could give you this," she handed me a book on Ghostly Apparitions and their Forms by Sylvia Wailing, "and this." And then she kissed me.

For the next hour or so I was in heaven, and before you get all excited, we didn't 'do it' but if this was anything to go by it wouldn't be long before we do.


End file.
